Friday, March 16, 2007
i'm standing at a x-junction and i freaking dunno what awaits me at the end of each and every road.hesitant and exhausted,i really feel like just giving up.however,i just keep telling myself its worth it no matter how stupid my frens finds me.most impt thing is that you're happy then i dun mind taking all the shit.yeah...and thx.i'm finally sick!!!hosei bo...im extremely tired but i just wanna do my best.but the thing is that the signs ain't clear as to which path i should take.i don't want to go to a dead end,a point of no return.im really afraid,standing all alone.my only wish is that someone could just show me the way.arghx...or probably i shall just hang in there sitting at the junction till every single car passes me,taking every single route before i try?now,i really appreciate the presence of people like fang and jonas for their support and advice.though the 3 of us are like drowning,i hope u guys will be able to surface soon and find what you guys are searching for.
from the recent small talks and stuff,i really come to know you guys even better.though im very disappointed and keep 'whinning' to you guys,but u guys nv ever turn me away.well,i know certain things ain't within my control and as long as everyone else will be happy,i dun mind being the odd one out.i also understand the feeling of being rejected or brushed off and so i've decided that i shall be more sensitive.im sry if anyone got this kinda shit from me before.im truly madly deeply sorry.
universe bbq was yesterday.it was pretty fun and it was definitely one of the highest turnup rate for GLs.spent most of the time talking to kenneth and jonas.really needed that and of cause managed to carry some burden for them too.such buddies hard to find!!!yesterday was 1 sensitive nite.some how,it appears that everyone went down with a motive in mind.to find their co and get connected to their preferred world.mayb im just too sensitive,but well,it appears to be the way.some how,i've already reviewed my choices and decided that i should just submit without putting down order of preference.i dun wanna waste my choices on ppl whose more of less getting partnered with another cfm-ed co.shall submit my choices soon.probably wont ask them but let them noe they're my part of my choices lahz.no point giving pressure and stuff.well...i enjoyed myself with the laser quest thingy.it was really fun and i hope i can get to play it again.then im quite sway also.to think i tot i can avoid being ponded but end up being pushed down by amanda when i was nice enough to give her abit of freeplay to relax at the edge of the pond.im so damn smart.but the lucky thing is i managed to get ponded in the standing position such that i was half soaked only.i'll learn my lesson one lolz!nv be too kind hearted...
anywayz,some how i someone to feel something liaoz.im really thankful that you're concern.but well,im really sry that im still not prepared to let u noe anything.probably just let you find out urself bah!anywayz,thanks kenneth for accompanying me to the doc today man.you're a great pal too!no matter wat,im thankful that you see me as a strength for ur world.no matter what happens,i'll do my best in whichever world i get assigned to.there's really nothing more i can ask for liaoz.thx for the trust.
somehow,i finally realised my greatest weakness!it's jealousy which leads to anger which just crushes me down to ground zero and sit and watch quietly.i shall overcome this weakness and i really wish to get back to my happy go lucky life which is not so ideal right now.i need to learn to think and behave like a 21 man.plan for my future and stuff...anything else are just distractions at the moment.i need a stable life and i want to be able to provide whatever needs my family have as well as my future family.Hazel made mi realise all these matters and i have to start planning now.thanks alot.and i seriously see a good fren in u.
arghz...i think im crapping too long such that i haven even started on my work.and im feeling extremely sleepy popping those pills down my throat.i hate this feeling.i wanna get well and drink myself silly next week with my bros.be it happy or sad...i wanna get WELL!
♥Oh, so vintage... 8:05 PM
