Wednesday, May 23, 2007
just some random thoughts.but have you ever questioned yourself?
i was kind of questioning myself today.Should i find a job that i'm really interested in and be happy about it or should i just find a job that pays well but i don't enjoy at all?right at this moment,i still can't really find the answer to this question myself.
yea...i should enjoy what im doing irregardless of pay and just be happy.but if you think of it,when you start to have a family to support and loans to pay off right after graduation,can i still be so selfish to go after my personal goals without sparing a thought for others?the first thing that i have to clear would be the 'father-mother' scholarship debt which i'll probably need 4 years.Besides,if i want to get a car after graduation,it will be worse.back to the point,i started comparing the jobs that i've been doing.
working as a sales promoter can be interesting when you get to meet all sorts of customers and you have to strategise to win them over.call it brain-wash or whatever but its the strategy that matters.im not those evil sales person that would resort to cheating to sell my products or rather i still give attention to those that didn't buy anything from me unlike most others.the only thing that i get is the satisfaction that customers have by telling me that i've served them well,i'm nice and stuff.yes...no doubt the pay matters cause its comission based and as i worked for a longer period,i find myself losing my stand.selling is all it matters now with the new comission base system.but my conscience is clear cause im selling a good product though its abit overpriced.i recommend them high quality models which is more pricey and i get more comission but the good thing is they're payiing for the quality.
but when i started workin as a trail facilitator,the pay is pathetic but somehow i do enjoy myself with the students.the smiles and the thank you from the students really warms my heart.explaining to students over and over again to ensure that they understand the question is also something which gives mi satisfaction and i feel happy when i see my students enjoyed themselves with me.in fact this job is paying like peanuts and i can simply forget about it and get something better.but oh well,its really the passion that keep me going.
hmm...hopefully in future i'll be able to find a job that pays alright and gives me satisfaction.only then,people around me will be happy and i'll be happy doing that job too.but well,who knows...perhaps one day,my wife wouldn't mind going through shit with me so long as im happy.but then again,i hope that day won't come...i cant be selfish and i want everyone else to be happy.
next...im freaking frustrated cause my granny's giving us alot of problem.and im like the one taking the most shit out of everyone cause im like the one that's home most of the time.and i'm taking all of it alone!!!i really cannot take this sometimes and i feel bad having to raise my voice at her.but then,her illness is making her going crazy!!!and im going crazy cause she keeps bugging me for nothing!arghx...i want to go back to hall where i can escape from everything.but then again,i just can't do it cause they won't be anyone at home to look after her.And if something happens to her,i'll be dead guilty man!well...no one understands how i feel right now for sure cause you're not the one facing all this.and i feel frustrated with myself if i have to be disrespectful to my granny.and with this,it bothers me even more when all these adults are just all words but no action and im the freaking idiot that's covering their asses now every morning till afternoon when mum comes back.and i have to freaking take care of the 3 little children whereby 2 of their results suck BIG TIME!!!i do want some time and life for myself and i still have to juggle between all the atc planning and work that i've on hand.
***why do you do your best???***
going for JB trip tml with my sheepchaser gang...i need MONEY!!!hahaha...where's my IT show pay!!!arghx...
♥Oh, so vintage... 9:37 PM
